If you tell on me so help me

• in first grade i cheated on my personality test (i looked off my best friend's)
• i used to switch all the gross halloween candy i had with my brothers and sister's good candy when they left their bags alone
• one time i told my dad that my little brother spilled the gallon of milk on the floor instead of me and he got in really big trouble
• i caught a snake and a salamander and put them together in a bucket and when i woke up there was just decomposing fluid and i threw the whole thing away and never told my mom
• i told him i didn't like him but i did.
• i told my friend she should get a pixie cut but i really just wanted her to have shorter hair than me
• i laughed at that joke and i didnt even get it

screw you utah and parents for making me say "em" instead of "am"

I am the way i care about things. deeply and without much forethought so i'm told

I am the way think puns are probably the best type of humor created

I am the way that when I look at the night sky, I choose the brightest star and tell myself that it is me. 

I am the songs i sing in the shower and my favorite books to read

I am the birthmark on my back

I am the way i only sleep with fuzzy blankets, and no sheets

I am the way i say "am" apparently it sounds like "em" sometimes

I am the way i crinkle my nose

I am the way i think my ears are too big

I am my laugh and the way i dance around in my room when i'm alone

I am the way i laugh till i cry

I am my highs and my lows

I am my parents divorce

I am my heart pounding in my chest

I am

I am

I

am

Am

I

Human?

this means something

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10

10

i knew you too well, and somehow, not enough

9

i don't know what happened but we don't talk

8

i wish i knew where i was headed

7

some things are better felt than heard

6

close your eyes. listen. you see?

5

one day i'll be okay

4

i still love you

i'm still missing you

im happy for you

not everything is poetry

3

today, i'm okay

2

i'm okay

1

okay.

are you happy though?

school taught me

• mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell
• don't ask teachers why you have to learn their subjects
• if someone asks you "how are you" you answer good
• (even if you aren't)

crayons taught me

• i like dandelion yellow and turquoise blue together
• scarlet is a pretty color
• things are made for sharing
• if you break a crayon more people can use it
• its okay to color outside the lines

when you get bigger they take your crayons away

and

they give you a #2 pencil and a scantron test instead

they take away the coloring books and give you textbooks

they draw a line and say

DO NOT CROSS

and then because they think you don't understand

 they bend closer to you and say

color inside the lines

so if you don't mind

id like my crayons back.

i think i'd like to give coloring outside the lines a try.

smile collection

I have a smile for every occasion

smiles that make your face ache

fake smiles

plastic glued on smiles

sad smiles

go away smiles

annoyed smiles

laughing smiles that break into millions of beautiful pieces

contagious smiles

disappointed smiles

real smiles

show all your teeth smiles

unwilling smiles that slip out

accidental smiles that stay on your face without you even realizing

carefree smiles

nervous smiles

smiles you just can't hold back

for the longest time i hated smiling

i'd only smile with my mouth closed

what i didn't know 

was

that my real, imperfect smile

was better

than any perfect fake smile

so this is for you.

the people who smile with your mouths closed

you're beautiful

why we all should wear hats

• you don't have to wash your hair nearly as often
• you can hide when you're embarrassed
• bad hair day solutions

• less commitment

asterismos

we had a secret language.
one two three you would squeeze my hand
and one two three I would squeeze back.
i love you , it said, i love you.

you showed me the stars
and I thought you hung them yourself.

funny how things can change

unwritten

I've written this post 14 times but each time it wasn't good enough.
Even now i'm looking at the backspace button. 

I wish I could step out onto this stage and look everyone straight in the eye.
I wish you wouldn't see my shaking knees and hear my voice crack.
I wish you all wouldn't know I was scared.

but I am.

introduce yourself

hi. i'm scared.

i'm not here for fresh pressed paper, clean lines, no eraser marks. i'm here for that paper you folded up and put in your back pack and then forgot about, because that's the one that matters. that's the one that's real.
 I'm here for dragging out the truth, prying it out so I can see what it is because even I don't know.

I am the 4 drafts I wrote halfway and then didn't publish. They weren't right. I don't know if anything will be.
I am the way I feel when I wake up in the morning after sleeping in. The good kind of sleeping in. Where the breeze and the light filter through the curtains and nothing can go wrong if you just stay there a little longer.
I am the laugh you make when nobody is around.
I am Annelies Marie.
I have a story.
I'll tell  you about it when I figure it out.