last night instead of going to bed
i went to the park to swing on the swings.
because sometimes i feel an emptiness that can only be filled with car windows rolled all the way down and a heart to heart with the moon.
& i've been listening to music that reminds me of gray days and heartbreak
and everything just feels a little off.
i don't know how to say it
but nothing i write ever feels good enough.
& i cant get his floppy hair and goofy smile off my mind
& can someone please tell me how to get over something that never even happened
& i don't mean to sound sad, because i'm usually not
but i'm not ready for my life that hasn't even begun
&
my heart has nostalgia for things that haven't even happened yet.
"& can someone please tell me how to get over something that never even happened"
ReplyDeleteThis is so good and so relatable.
Swings and car windows and gray days
So quintessentially human.
Not being ready for a life that hasn't even begun. A lot to unpack in this.
ReplyDeleteAnd my heart has nostalgia for something that never happened
ReplyDeletei really really like this.
ReplyDeleteThis is incredible. I've never read something that I can relate to so directly.
ReplyDeleteIt's strange to think about all of this. I know your name and I know your face but I feel like the only thing I know about you is that we walked the same hallways.
Yet you wrote something that not only resonates with me, but things I've actually tried to put into words. Especially the last line, I have something jarringly similar written on my blog:
"I feel nostalgic for a childhood that I never had
but it feels so real to me
I am cathartic everyday of my life"
or even this title from a much older post
"Childhood Attic (contains memories of things that haven't happened yet)"
I don't really know how I ended up here but I'm glad I did