you've got

you've got that black heart,

                    black soul                                                          

which doesn't make sense with the way you slather on hope like sunscreen, spf 109

you've got those black eyes,

                                          black hands,

                                                                  but you've always preferred green.

good black don't crack, or so they say.

but honey you're cracked.

you're more cracked than crack, and crack is whack (don't do drugs)

you've got those black lungs,

                                          black tongue

and you pretend like you stopped caring a while ago

wishin'

how to make a wish

• shooting stars
• eyelashes
• birthday candles
• 11:11
• 12:12, 1:11, 2:22 etc. if you're really desperate
• wishing rocks
• lucky pennies
• dandelion fluff
• wishing wells/fountains
• 1,000 paper cranes
• a stolen kiss
• four leaf clover
• first star you see at night
• wishbones
• catch a falling autumn leaf
• cross your fingers
• wish bracelets

i think i have a bad connection

 i live in the basement you see,

can you hear me now?

i never was good at origami

and my dandelions never completely blew away 

but i can't help thinking that someday i'll find a way

but bracelets always looked weird on my arms

and i'm scared of my eyelashes falling out.

and here in highland, utah we seem to have a shortage of wells

and well, 

i forgot what i was supposed to be wishing for.

i have well wishes

and best wishes

but really

i wish i wasn't wishing anymore.

D word

thats right, Death.

Death is 5' even and often overlooked
Death will flirt with anyone
Death is also kind of a lip slut because she'll kiss anyone.
Death is selfish. she wants everyone and everything, she'll take you even if you don't want to go
but Death is kind. 
Death takes away your pain and your hurt and your sorrow.
Death is waking up from that sunday afternoon nap.
but Death is also the thing at the bottom of the stairs after you've turned off the lights.
Death is the chills you get when you feel like something is watching you.

Death is a participation award

and everyone gets one.

Death is a lover

but Death never really did care.

"That’s all you got. You got love and you got death. Death will find you… it’s up to you to find love. That’s where most people fall down at. Death got room for everybody. Love picks and chooses."

i ain't afraid of no ghost

I never was afraid of heights.

its the falling that always scared me.

And I never was too afraid of the future,

until i though about how close it was.

my fears all live in paradoxes

i'm afraid of my potential and i'm afraid that i don't have enough potential

i'm afraid of never being loved and i'm afraid of love

endings have always frightened me and beginnings made me sick

i'm afraid of 18

i'm afraid of never being able to leave this town and i'm afraid of being left behind

i'm afraid of you and i'm afraid of me

and i'm afraid of growing up to be empty

tired eyes

i think i felt my heart breaking

i was laying in bed and i swear it

i felt my heart breaking.

i felt my heart aching

i felt my heart racing

faster than it should

and it just didn't make sense.

see my heart,

has a sign on it.

it reads: OUT OF COMMISSION

it started slowing down a while ago.

and i never could get a good pulse,

but you see

i think my heart is breaking.

or maybe it's waking

up.

you were never a brick

you were never a brick

bricks are strong. firm foundation and all that.

you were paper mache.

at least your heart was, because it kept blowing away

you were never a brick

bricks are reliable

you're web md and I can't trust anything you say

you were never a brick

But then again

I guess neither was I. 

letter to myself about love.

give it a little time.
tell your mom you love her. tell yourself you love yourself. eventually it'll come easier.
don't chase after the boys with pretty eyes and sweet lies and poisonous hands. 
all that will get you is puffy eyes and no offense, but that's not really a look you can rock.
tell your brother you love him and listen to his stories about his games even if you think they're dumb because time is running out and what if this is all there ever is
write more letters.
tell everyone you love them, because everyone needs to hear it more often.
especially tell yourself. i love you. and what's cookin' good lookin'?
go and buy yourself some sushi and share it.
you might not have been in love with the boy 4 houses down in the cul de sac across the street, but your mom puts out a 3 pronged fork on your spot at the table, and when you're sad your dog puts its head on your lap and i think thats all you need to know.
you can forgive them
and yourself.


xoxo, i love you.