If you tell on me so help me

• in first grade i cheated on my personality test (i looked off my best friend's)
• i used to switch all the gross halloween candy i had with my brothers and sister's good candy when they left their bags alone
• one time i told my dad that my little brother spilled the gallon of milk on the floor instead of me and he got in really big trouble
• i caught a snake and a salamander and put them together in a bucket and when i woke up there was just decomposing fluid and i threw the whole thing away and never told my mom
• i told him i didn't like him but i did.
• i told my friend she should get a pixie cut but i really just wanted her to have shorter hair than me
• i laughed at that joke and i didnt even get it